Obligatory First Post Title

So, yes, this is my first post, and it will probably be quite silly, unorganized and unabashed because I've never created a true blog before and I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. That said, I suppose I'll explain the purpose of this 'ere blog. 

I chose the name 'Adequate Amelia' because I've experienced life in this way: that I'm never good enough. My attempt is to change that perception of myself and to start learning to live in a way where I become good enough for myself and others. The main attempt of this blog is self-transformation, improvement, and positive living. I realize I need to regularly update this thing in order to truly transform myself, because if I don't, I'll become lackadaisical about it all and won't accomplish a thing. I also need to learn to stand on my own and not be so dependent upon others for assurance, because I'm the only true person who will ever be around with me through everything. I'm going to detail why I absolutely need this.

Coming home one evening I found myself faced with these words from a man I was irrevocably in love with:

"I can't stand being around you, you're emotionally draining, and I've been wanting to end things for five months."

Here I had thought I was on my way to a new chapter in life and little did I know someone I held most dear had wanted nothing to do with me for almost half a year. What a sham.

I was a mess; left financially and emotionally fucked by a man who I thought was my future. So how do I cope? By resorting to liquor, of course (as most people whose futures had been ripped to shreds would do). So I found solace in the dry, dark taste of Merlot's, the sweet fruity taste of Reisling's, the harshness of a not-so-great Whiskey...the list goes on.

I began to evaluate my life choices and why I had ended up in such a vulnerable position. Having not been single for an extended period of time in the past four years, had I forgotten how to be independent? I suppose I had. My inability to be on my own had interfered with my ability to be in a healthy relationship - not to imply that by any means this had been in a healthy relationship. In fact, this is probably the least healthy relationship I will have ever been in, but I digress.

What I need most in the world is to be alone, as painful as that sounds. And thus begins my journey. While this break-up has been over a year past now, I'm finally in a place where I've accepted what's happened and am ready to move on and go forward, and want to learn how to become independent. I realize it's probably pathetic it's taken me this long, but I had to finally be ready for this to create true, lasting change within myself.
So tomorrow, I'm taking a trip to Barnes & Noble, shamelessly buying a plethora of self-improvement books and will proceed to bury myself in them. I understand this won't cause an overnight change simply by reading a book, but it's a place to start. I also just might go to the gym. Now wouldn't that be a shocker.