Pixie cuts, Mullets, and Gynecologists

So I'm beginning to realize that I make mistakes on a daily basis. Silly ones, yes, but I am constantly flubbing up, perhaps in a humorous way, maybe not. I went to the gynecologist today (yes, yes, TMI, I know), and was asked by the nurse if a medical student could come in during my exam. I said yes, because I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. I quickly realized having a medical student in the room means your lady parts are going to be looked at a lot closer than normal, and that commentary would be made. I did not realize, that the medical student would be quite so cute. Damn.

So the medical student walks in, I immediately regret looking like I just rolled out of bed (because I had indeed, just rolled out of bed), and begin to make stupid nervous commentary in a terrible attempt to be funny. I probably came across as a mix between a pompous asshole and a sleep-deprived idiot. You see, attempting to inadvertently flirt with the medical student by sounding cocky about what's going to be done to your underparts is just plain awkward for everybody. So I shut up and lay there stewing in my obvious embarrassment at the situation and twiddled my thumbs until the moment had passed. However, with your gynecologist making remarks such as "see, her cervix is smaller than the other patient's and much smoother," I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming impending sense of doom at my outrageously awkward and poorly placed moment of inadvertent flirting (which, inadvertent flirting never works anyway).


Another thing I'm learning is that emotionally cutting your hair is an absolute disaster. I got a pixie cut about two weeks ago because a boy I was interested in said he though short haircuts on girls was really cute...well, I got it cut, then got drunk, and called him crying about how I looked like a lesbian. Oi. I'm avoiding him like the plague now and have already begun to grow out my hair. I'm realizing that in the first stages of having my hair grow out that bobbie pins, headbands, biotin, and Moroccan Oil are probably my best friends, and will continue to be until it gets to about jaw length. I'm also realizing that the back of your hair near the nape of the neck must be trimmed regularly while you wait for the rest of your hair to catch up, because alas, you become mullet-y looking, which isn't a good look for anybody.

Me after the initial cut

Me after about two weeks (Yes, I realize I'm wearing the same shirt)

But as you can see it already is losing its shape and is beginning to become slightly unruly, which I realize I'll have to contend with for the time being until the hair starts to adequately cover the ears. Yes, I've learned my lesson about emotional haircuts. I miss my long hair quite enough already.

In addition to this, I went to Barnes & Noble and bought a few books (didn't end up making it to the gym), but I purchased "The Five Love Languages" By Gary Chapman, "Make Every Man Want You" By Marie Forleo (which actually its sole purpose is to make you more appealing to others by making yourself feel happy and are therefore more attractive), and "When the Past is Present" by David Richo, which is about getting over past feelings from relationships and how to stop previous emotional wounds from ruining current relationships. Well there's an update on how it's going thus far, we'll see how this all goes!

Obligatory First Post Title

So, yes, this is my first post, and it will probably be quite silly, unorganized and unabashed because I've never created a true blog before and I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. That said, I suppose I'll explain the purpose of this 'ere blog. 

I chose the name 'Adequate Amelia' because I've experienced life in this way: that I'm never good enough. My attempt is to change that perception of myself and to start learning to live in a way where I become good enough for myself and others. The main attempt of this blog is self-transformation, improvement, and positive living. I realize I need to regularly update this thing in order to truly transform myself, because if I don't, I'll become lackadaisical about it all and won't accomplish a thing. I also need to learn to stand on my own and not be so dependent upon others for assurance, because I'm the only true person who will ever be around with me through everything. I'm going to detail why I absolutely need this.

Coming home one evening I found myself faced with these words from a man I was irrevocably in love with:

"I can't stand being around you, you're emotionally draining, and I've been wanting to end things for five months."

Here I had thought I was on my way to a new chapter in life and little did I know someone I held most dear had wanted nothing to do with me for almost half a year. What a sham.

I was a mess; left financially and emotionally fucked by a man who I thought was my future. So how do I cope? By resorting to liquor, of course (as most people whose futures had been ripped to shreds would do). So I found solace in the dry, dark taste of Merlot's, the sweet fruity taste of Reisling's, the harshness of a not-so-great Whiskey...the list goes on.

I began to evaluate my life choices and why I had ended up in such a vulnerable position. Having not been single for an extended period of time in the past four years, had I forgotten how to be independent? I suppose I had. My inability to be on my own had interfered with my ability to be in a healthy relationship - not to imply that by any means this had been in a healthy relationship. In fact, this is probably the least healthy relationship I will have ever been in, but I digress.

What I need most in the world is to be alone, as painful as that sounds. And thus begins my journey. While this break-up has been over a year past now, I'm finally in a place where I've accepted what's happened and am ready to move on and go forward, and want to learn how to become independent. I realize it's probably pathetic it's taken me this long, but I had to finally be ready for this to create true, lasting change within myself.
So tomorrow, I'm taking a trip to Barnes & Noble, shamelessly buying a plethora of self-improvement books and will proceed to bury myself in them. I understand this won't cause an overnight change simply by reading a book, but it's a place to start. I also just might go to the gym. Now wouldn't that be a shocker.